


Tales of Frottagia

by jih3k



Category: Critical Role (Web Series), One Piece, Tales of Berseria
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe, Anal Fingering, Bread, Crossover, Enemies to Lovers, Fight Sex, Fights, French Kissing, Frottage, Jack Party, Kissing, Lots of Cum, Lust, M/M, Public Masturbation, Sounding, cum
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-01
Updated: 2019-06-01
Packaged: 2020-04-05 22:36:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19049839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jih3k/pseuds/jih3k
Summary: In a weird turn of events, One Piece characters have been drawn into the world of Desolation because the magic or something. What happens when the two nerdiest pirates in both worlds, Eizen and Law meet each other? Well, the title gives away a lot I guess.





	Tales of Frottagia

**Author's Note:**

> The inspiration for this was the Talks Machina with Talesin Jaffe and Matt Mercer looking lovingly into each other's eyes. Because they voice Eizen and Law respectively in the dubs and it seemed like a good idea. Sorry.

The Earthpulse is a very strange thing. It's basically a magical fucking series of tubes that stores the memories of the land and 3D prints dead people as magical angel slaves. I mean malaks. So when something weird happens with the Earthpulse, no one really notices. In a world of magic where daemons and malaks and shit, it takes quite a lot to make people go, "Huh, that's unusual." 

So when the Earthpulse randomly started crapping out individuals from another universe the general population pretty much figured the Abbey would handle it. But ladies and gentlemen, these individuals had come from the One Piece universe and so shit went down in very big ways. That's the premise of this fic, don't you enjoy the meta commentary? I sure do. So this shit is going down. Luffy challenges Velvet to an eating contest. Rokurou tricks Zoro into fighting Shigure cause he thinks it's funny. He sells tickets to the fight like it's Wrestlemania and is just like "Oh fuck they sound the same, this is gonna be hilarious." Nami and Magilou are best friends because why not. But, dear reader, none of these interesting crossover stories are why we are here today. Join me now as we focus in on a small, non-descript tavern near a harbor. Where two gentlemen will meet for the first time and maybe, just maybe... fuck.

Inside this tavern we find Ufemew Wexub, aka Eizen, drinking alone. A bottle of his preferred whiskey close at hand as he sips from a small glass. The ice cube? It's a huge, sphere of ice. I dunno how people make them or why. But's fucking fancy as shit. He pensively thinks about many things. His sister, Edna. His lost captain, Aifread. The lust of his life, Rokurou. In the midst of his pensiveness, the door to the tavern opens. From the panicked murmuring that over takes the bar, Eizen can guess it's one of the newcomers from the other world. He doesn't have time for such silliness though. He's pensive. Lost in thought. And perhaps a little drunk. But he doesn't have time for rabble rousing "pirates." He scoffed. So many of these aliens called themselves pirates, but they lacked the drive and ambition that Eizen knew came from the life. Aifread could surely wipe out these fools were he not missing. He finished his drink and began pouring a new one for himself as he heard footsteps across the wooden floor approaching behind him. He didn't look up as the newcomer spoke.

"Oi, barkeep-ya. Do you have any food?"

"Y-yes, sir. We have fresh bread served with beef stew and..."

There is a sound of a fist pounding the table. "I DON'T LIKE BREAD. Just the stew. Please. Onegaishimasu."

Eizen looked next to him, seeing a tall man in a strange white hat. He carried a large sword, not dissimilar in size from what Rokurou was always walking around with. Dressed in a long dark coat and with tattoos on his hands. Eizen thought to himself, "What an edgelord." He was offended that this outsider had disturbed his pensive evening of drinking an pensivitity. Is that a word fuck it. Without looking up from his drink he said to the newcomer, "Don't you dare insult the bread of this establishment. It is the product of thousands of years of human progress. The mastery of farming. The harvesting. The processing into flour. Grains are the lifeblood of civilization and mocking them is mocking your very past."

The stranger said, "I don't particularly care how long it took people to discover bread. It tastes like shit and I imagine that people around here who would defend it are shit too. Is that you? Are you shit? You look like shit, Cunt-ya."

The time for talk was over and Eizen threw a heavy right hook at the white-hatted man. It connected solidly, but he barely flinched. The stranger responded with a hook of his own, which Eizen blocked and threw a series of body blows. Staggered, the stranger stepped back and over the growing din of fleeing bar patrons uttered something.

"ROOM... SHAMBLES!!!"

Eizen help a force pull on his body, like something was attempting to pull it apart. Were it not for his grounding connection to the earth element, he felt like he would have been pulled to pieces. In response, he put his hand to the ground and summoned a series of chains that attempted to ensnare the outlander. But somehow he dodged and appeared on the other side of the room. The stranger launched himself at Eizen, drawing the long blade and shouting something about radios (what's going on with that radio) and knives. Eizen blocked it at full force and energy crackled around the tavern as the pair stood deadlocked. The floorboards snapped under the force of the energy neither could gain ground, but neither was willing to concede. It looked anime as fuck.

After 20 minutes of this Eizen said, "So how long are we going to keep this up? Cause I'm getting bored." The stranger nodded in agreement and replied, "Yeah, I'm pretty satisfied with this for now. Can I trouble you for a belt of scotch?" Eizen relented and the two ceased hostilities in favor of booze.

The stranger, Eizen learned, was named Trafalgar Law and like many who had been upchucked from the Earthpulse he was a pirate. He was much more intelligent that Eizen would have expected, though he realized the error of his thinking. Every society had it's idiots. The disease that could never be fought was ignorance. He found Law fascinating, though he didn't quite understand the bread thing. It was still refreshing to speak to an educated man of the seas.

"And that's why we need to build a series of escape tunnels in our base. Not just for safety, but because they're cool." 

Law nodded in agreement. "You're very right, Eizen. Tunnels are cool and practical. You know with my powers, I could help move all that rock for you and your crew could..." Law paused and Eizen noticed that his golden-eyed gaze was looking him dead in the face. As he looked back, he felt his thoughts drift away... and a tightening in his breeches. From the way Law looked back at him, what was to come next was inevitable.

They locked lips, each jockeying for position more fiercely than when they had been fighting. Hands sought purchase where ever they could as they furiously pawed at each other in a shared moment of carnal insanity. Eizen spirited his hand under Law's jacket to seek out a nipple to tweek, while he felt the other man slide his hand down the back of his pants to squeeze his butt cheek. Clothes were soon spread on the floor of the ruined tavern as the patrons outside stared in fascination. Each and every one of them too confused to wrap their heads around what had happened, but also too turned on to object. Several of them were openly masturbating as the two naked demigods rolled on the floor gasping and groping at each other. Dicks were yanked and beans were flicked.

The problem was that both of these two were tops and while they could certainly be persuaded to switch it up neither knew that about the other. It became as much a contest of dominance as their initial fight was. And though the kissing was hot as fuck, it was not nearly enough for either of them. Eventually they sepearated long enough in their lip lock for Law to broach the question.

"So do you bottom?"

"Yes. But my asshole is reserved for only one man."

"I see. That makes this considerably more difficult."

"Yes, if I do not ejaculate now boner will be so hard it'll feel like it's trying to force it's way out of my skin."

"What do you propose we do about it then?"

Eizen considered for a moment before saying, "Frot?"

Law also thought a moment before agreeing. "Frot."

Returning to their frenching, they began mutually jacking each other off. This caused even more precum to leak from their throbbing members until they were each thick with self-lubricant. They then released the fuck wands and let the precum mingle, to symbolize them becoming one since there was to be no penetration. In a moment of hesitation they locked eyes again and Eizen's breath caught in his throat as he felt the tattooed hands of Law grab his dick again and press it up against the Doctor of Death's own skinny member.

As Law resumed their kiss and began stroking, Eizen's mind went wild trying to grasp all the sensations being directed on his body. The slick warmth of Law's skinny dick. The combative tongue in his mouth that seemed intent on licking his tonsils. The way that Law violently twisted his nipples with his free hand. Eizen was drifting away into into the O-zone (get it?) when some part of his brain triggered a thought in him. To fight back. Yes, they had agreed to no penetration. Of the ass anyway. Eizen was not about to go down as bottom bitch for a dude who looked like a goat wearing a mushroom on his head.

Using eath artes with one hand and using the other to tease the asshole of Law, he created a small sounding rod. Just when he thought he couldn't take anymore, and Law had a look of triumph on his face, Eizen slipped his ring finger into Law's ass. The sudden move shocked the pirate captain and in the moment of his objection, Eizen took the smooth sounding rod made of minerals and jammed it into Law's dick hole. The reversal was immediate. The sudden change in power dynamics took Law all the way out. Since Eizen was not fully prepared for the narrowness of Law's dick the rod seemed almost too thick. It's outline could be clearly seen sliding down Law's urethra. With that, Eizen took over guiding the frotting action. 

Eizen had to admit, Law had done an excellent job teasing him. And it was only ten minutes after switching the jacking action that Eizen erupted a column of jizz, plastering a streak of ejaculate across the stomach, chest, and face of Law. Law himself was nearing his own moment of climax but the relentless jacking and metal rod blocking his dick hole made release impossible. He could barely speak and in between ragged breaths his eyes looked to Eizen. They seemed to say, "Hey bruh. Hey. Let me nut." Eizen was ready to oblige, but he wanted to twist the knife slightly more.

"Outlander. Who's the greatest pirate in this world and yours."

"I-it's you! Eizen! The greatest pirate! UUUUUUUUUUUUUUH....!" Eizen ground the sounding rod even deeper until just the tip could be seen from the crack of Law's pee hole.

"Wrong. Try again." He SQUEEZED Law's dick at this point, I mean really put the screws to him.

"V-VAN AIFREAD! THE STRONGEST PIRATE! T-T-T-T-oh god please, let me cum... UUUNF... THE GREATEST PIRATE ON THE WAVES!"

With one smooth motion, Eizen yanked he rod from Law's peenor and as he did the floodgates were shattered. Law came as waves and waves of cum splattered across Eizen and, indeed, the room around them. It emitted a shock wave, felt even by those outside who were still jacking to the scene before them. Many of them wept openly having never before scene something so hot. 

Weak in the head, Eizen hauled himself back up to the bar while Law lay in the ruined floor of the tavern. His arm over his eyes, he panted heavily trying to compose himself. Eizen noticed that the glass he had been drinking from had a layer of cum in it. Not even thinking too hard about it, he poured himself a fresh drink and drank the COCK-tail (get it?) in a single swallow. He let the tangy zip of Law's miracle whip slide over his tongue, mingled with the typical burning taste of the alcohol and smiled. Looking back down at Law, he saw that his fuck buddy was also smiling.

"You cheated."

Eizen smirked. "So I did. I have a room upstairs, do you want to try your luck in round two?"

The steady rise of a fresh erection from Law told him all he needed to know.


End file.
